The arrival of a new baby can change your whole life, including your sex life. Individual couples differ very much with respect to when they resume sexual activity following child birth.
Your gynecologist or certified midwife will usually advise:
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waiting to resume sexual activity until 2-3 weeks after child birth due to the risk of infection and to give an episiotomy or other small wounds time to heal completely |
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using condoms and other safer sex measures (latex gloves and dental dams) in the beginning in order to prevent infection |
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allowing about 6-8 weeks for the uterus to return to its usual shape and position within the pelvis. |
Following the delivery, many hormonal changes take place in the woman’s body. Some hormones that were important during pregnancy quickly resume their pre-pregnancy levels, while others may increase if you are breast feeding your baby. Changes in hormone levels sometimes cause mood-swings and possibly depressions, or "feeling blue." Except in extreme cases, this is perfectly normal. It should not cause feelings of guilt.
Women differ very much with respect to how they experience bodily changes following child birth. Some women feel irritable and tired due to a lack of sleep and rest. They may feel unattractive, perspire more than usual, complain about painful, large breasts that constantly leak milk, and be depressed about extra pounds they are unable to loose. Others may feel energized and happy, enjoy their full breasts, and see their bodies quickly return to normal shapes. Some women feel a desire for sex after a few weeks; others take months to do so.
None of these feelings are "wrong," but some of them can be acted on if you wish:
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Do not push your desire for having sex. Take your time. You do not have to participate in sex in order to show your partner love and affection. Kiss, embrace, and talk to each other instead. |
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Get as much rest as possible. Right after the delivery, try to sleep while your baby sleeps in order to restore your energy. |
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Be considerate with each other. Good team-work is necessary during this trying time for your relationship. |
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Once the new mom feels ready to resume sexual activity it may be hard to find time and occasions. You may find yourself interrupted by your demanding infant just as you get started feeling intimate with each other. Some parents find it easier to plan ahead for sexual activity if they can get their baby to fall into a certain and consistent sleep/wake rhythm. |
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Try to arrange for private time with your partner using baby-sitters. Go out for dinner or watch a movie together. It is important to schedule private time with each other that does not revolve around your baby or other children. |
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If you are a single mom and have the possibility to do so, allow yourself a periodic break from your responsibilities. |
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If you are a new parent and concerned about your partner's lack of sexual interest, try to be patient and to give her the time she needs. If you are not already doing so, try to help as much as you can to complete the necessary household tasks and to care for and bond with the new baby. |
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If your partner is not yet ready for sexual intercourse this may be a good time to explore other ways of lovemaking and intimacy. Use your imagination ! |
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Once you feel ready for sexual intercourse, start slowly with the woman on top, controlling the level of penetration and the amount of thrusting. |
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If vaginal lubrication is decreased, use water-soluble lubricant (K-Y jelly, Astroglide, etc.) sold over the counter in most pharmacies. |
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As a woman following child birth, try to accept the fact that your body changes as you get older and more mature. A happy, full-bodied woman can be very attractive and radiant ! |
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However, if you are concerned about your weight it may be appropriate to change your eating habits and to enroll in a post-natal exercise program. |
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Take a mental vacation: Join a yoga class or get a massage. |