Know your anatomy
Reflections on what's between a woman's legs
A few years ago I received a desperate e-mail from a woman in her late 20s. She
had never been able to have intercourse and finally turned to the Internet for
help. No boyfriend had ever been able to put his penis into her vagina and she
was convinced that she "had bones around her vagina."
It turns out she had no concept of her own sexual anatomy—it had been a taboo
topic both at home and at school.
I sent her a link to a webpage with anatomical drawings and explained that the
"bones" simply were her tense pelvic floor muscles causing a tight grip around
her vagina. (This is not unusual for women who have been sexually assaulted as I
learned she had been.)
My advice to her: Find a good time of the day when she was relaxed and alone and
could create a comfortable setting in her bedroom or someplace else where she
felt safe. She should take a handheld mirror and look between her legs and
compare herself to what she had seen on the webpage.
This was a woman who had never looked at her own genitals! She's not so
different from many other women. If you have never examined your own orchid, I
invite you to get comfortable and to get your mirror out. Get ready for your
anatomy lesson—it could change your life, or at least your sex life!
Put a few pillows behind your back while sitting on your bed (or anywhere else
you like), spread your legs, and hold the mirror in front of you. Here is what
you will see:
There are two parts to your genitals, the outside area, called vulva (not to be
confused with a Scandinavian vehicle) and the inside part, called vagina. Most
people call everything "vagina," but you won't have to make that mistake once
you learn the correct terms.
You will discover three openings, the anus at the very bottom, the vaginal
opening in the middle (this opening may be covered by a hymen if you have never
had intercourse), and above that a small hole (urethra) where urine comes out.
Two layers of skin-folds surround the vaginal opening. The outer one is called
labia majora and the inner one labia minora. These "big and small lips" fill
with blood when you get turned on. You will see a small rounded structure (the
clitoris) above the urethra, immediately under the point where the smaller
skin-folds merge (the hood of the clitoris). The clitoris is the most sensitive
area in a woman's body. Gently stroke it and feel for yourself!
The bony area covered with pubic hair is called mons pubis. It's part of the
pelvis that surrounds and protects the sexual organs.
So, what's inside your vagina? Imagine your uterus looking like a pear with the
round part pointing up and the thin part (the neck, or cervix) forming the dead
end of your vagina. This is the opening through which sperm gets inside the
uterus during conception. The cervix also has lots of nerve endings, which means
it usually feels really good when the penis bumps into it during thrusting.
If you insert your index finger about 2" into your vagina and point it up toward
your belly button (from the inside), you may be able to feel a cushion-like area
that gets congested with blood when you're turned on. Not every woman can feel
this area called the G spot (don't worry if you cannot—you're still completely
normal!). It too adds to your pleasure when stimulated during sex.
Finally, you cannot see the pelvic floor muscles but you should know about them.
They help keep your uterus and bladder from sinking down into your vagina
(really!). You can learn to strengthen these muscles by squeezing the muscles
you use to stop the flow of urine. Especially if you have had babies or if you
suffer from incontinence, it's important to do what are known as Kegel
exercises. And as a bonus, having toned pelvic floor muscles helps being able to
form a nice grip around your partner's penis during intercourse—which everybody
enjoys.
Sex Files
Reprinted from C-Ville Weekly
08/28/2007-09/03/2007