Reading the signs
"What turns you on?” is a question I often ask
clients who struggle with arousal. Some women just don’t know how to
respond, and admit that they have given it little or no thought, which
is not surprising, considering that few of us have learned to tune into
our sexual feelings and thoughts while growing up or even as adults.
But uncovering answers to the question is a rich experience. Couples
sometimes learn new things about each other when I encourage them to
talk openly about what gets their juices flowing. It’s easy to assume
that the same things that turn you on also arouse your partner; but that
is often not the case. Both men and women tend to get aroused from
seeing their partner being turned on, but other than that each person
usually has their own likes and dislikes when it comes to getting in the
mood for sex.
So where’s a good place to start? Long ago, the Romans figured it out:
There’s value in reading erotica. Probably in the second or third
century, Titus Petronius wrote
Satyricon, an erotic tale of
the narrator, Encolpius, and his young lover that was copied throughout
the middle ages and then put into print in 1664. It was later translated
into many languages, and became a classic of Western literature. The
first modern erotic novel was John Cleland’s
Memories of a Woman of Pleasure,
also known as Fanny Hill,
written in 1748. This work did not get over well with English
authorities. Cleland and his publisher were arrested, and Cleland ended
up renouncing his novel and officially withdrawing it from the public.
Nevertheless, copies continued to be sold underground, and the book was
eventually banned for obscenity in the United States in the early
1800s—a ban that was not lifted until 1973.
Many women get turned on by reading erotica. Is it any wonder that
paperback romance novels are often conveniently placed in the grocery
checkout line? And if it’s far more erotic reading material you want,
it’s readily available in bookstores, magazines, or online. For example,
the Erotica Readers and Writers Association has a fabulous website (erotica-readers.com)
that offers a wide selection of quality erotica, from sensual reading to
much more sexually explicit content, including links to movies, sex
toys, etc.
And check out Libida.com
and Goodvibes.com. I
usually trust both of these websites to weed out the less than superior
stuff. They offer selected erotica for women, men, couples, gays,
lesbians, bisexual and transgender individuals. I always have a copy of
Good Vibration’s Best Women’s Erotica
on my bookshelf for clients to borrow for a few days. Both of these
websites also have erotic material available online, at no cost —except
that you might find yourself getting turned on while reading.
So if you are struggling with not being able to get in the mood for sex,
give erotica a try. Free up some time for yourself and delve into some
of the many offerings out there. And by all means, read out loud the
passages you like to your partner! You never know where that can lead.
In my next two columns I will talk about how men and women sometimes get
turned on for different reasons, and about who’s watching porn. So stay
tuned.
01/15/2008-01/21/2008
Reprinted from C-Ville Weekly