System overload
The warning signs that you’re an online porn addict

Whether you’re buying new shoes, munching on chocolate or potato chips, or talking on your cell phone, moderation is the key. As anyone (including Imelda Marcos) knows, activities like these, not to mention more damaging ones like gambling or even beneficial ones like exercising, can get way out of hand and become serious problems.

 


People sometimes contact me when they worry about masturbating too much. I tell them that there is no “normal” frequency of masturbation (which I consider a healthy sexual behavior), but that when excessive masturbation starts to affect other aspects of your life—your work, your social life and your relationship—then it’s time to address the issue head-on and perhaps even seek professional help.

So how much is too much when it comes to going online for porn?  Before I answer that question, let me stress that the Internet hasn’t created sex addiction—it has simply provided new ways of obtaining sexual images.

In my previous two columns, I gave the green light to using erotica and porn as part of a healthy sex life, especially if you struggle with arousal. They are great tools to help you get in the mood for sex and to add a little spice. But just like your chili can get too hot, online porn can become too much. It’s time for the red flag to go up when someone:
 

1. Depends on arousal through Internet use (fantasy, chat, video, etc.)
 
2. Loses control of time
 
3. Experiences feelings of guilt about Internet use
 
4. Tries to find ways to get online when on vacation
 
5. Hides his/her Internet activity by keeping visited sites secret
 
6. Spends time at work using the Internet for porn
 

And if this someone has a partner, excessive Internet porn use can send the couple’s sex life into a downward spiral.

Changing this behavior starts with acknowledging Internet abuse. Then these simple strategies can often help get the problem under control:
 

1. Move computer to a high traffic area of your house

2. Face computer monitor at home and at work so people can see the screen when they’re walking by

3. Tape a picture of significant people in your life on computer

4. Put a picture of yourself and your family as computer background

5. Install blocking devices on computer or perhaps even switch to a family-oriented service provider

6. Disclose the problem to at least one other person

7. Let your partner control the password to your Internet access

8. Set limits for how much time you spend online
 

But sometimes more help is needed. Perhaps there are some underlying reasons for the escapist behavior. Certified sex therapists can be found through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (aasect.org).
 

In Charlottesville, we have the following resources: Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous, and Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous. Go to http://avenue.org/cslaa for more information and telephone numbers.

02/26/2008-03/3/2008

Reprinted from C-Ville Weekly

www.C-VILLE.com

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